yellerbellied

been looking backwards today and yesterday. been twisting up my insides every afternoon in a studio. my teacher said its good to do the core work--it gets your insides all smoothed out; untwists your sadness.

i looked at your photos tonight because i could and looked especially for your hands. i can't remember why i hated them. did i ever? do i? there was just something off, you know. the nail was too short or the joint stunted; much too feminine although the knuckles were good. i just couldn't say. either way, i wanted to write you to say i'm sorry for that year, but i'm coward, you know.

i won't tell my mother my sister's secret either because i'm a coward. my insides are true yellow.